Ordinary Me

In the quietness of my home this morning….I sit….waiting to hear from God.  It has been a long time since I have written a blog.  So much as happened in my life since July. Since I was 18 I have been in the jewelry business.   After several years of praying for God to change my circumstance in my business, He did :), and I closed my store.  I am so thankful He did but, I find myself facing the unknown as to what in the world am I to do. Who am I now, I am just an ordinary woman with no big degree on the wall, no highlighted achievements that publicly gets attention, I am me, just me.  I am a wife, mother, and a Gaga that with my whole heart and soul loves Jesus Christ.  I am a woman that loves my family with all that I have in me, I am a woman that loves all people regardless of their achievements in life, their race, or their choices.

satan has been attacking my mind lately with things like, “what are you going to do now, you have nothing to offer”, “you are just an ordinary woman who is close to 50 years old :(.  During satan’s weeks of attacks, I became low, beating myself up in my mind, allowing his attacks to rob me of my joy. I found myself drifting from my quiet time with God, which for me put me in just a sad, lonely place.  I need Him daily, all day!  But,!!!! Crying out to God, HE whispered in my ear, draw close to me my precious daughter and I will draw close to you.  Oh that is the scripture that during the death of my precious mother-in-law, I fell into a deep depression, that God used to become intimate with me and began a work in this ordinary woman’s life.  I knew right in that moment He was so close to me to whisper the very same words into my heart.

In the past 2 years the transformation that has taken place in this ordinary woman’s heart is life changing.  What is so awesome is that I have people in my life that truly care about me and over and over in the past few weeks I keep hearing “Just be You”. Well, girlfriends, this morning I have decided that it is ok to just be me!  With all my crap, all my flaws, all my mistakes, and all the unknowns, HE created this ordinary woman.  I am His daughter, HE chose me, and adopted me, and I have the same power that raised Christ from the dead living inside of me and I am forever sealed with the Holy Spirit.

If you only could see me now!  Running around the kitchen!  I will not worry, I will trust in Him for everything, every detail of my life!  Are you excited with me?  If so, raise your hands and shout, He cares for the ordinaries because to Him, we are His extrodinaries!!!!

I close with this….I am a mess, I am a sinner, I make tons of mistakes, and there are circumstances I face daily that are unknown.  God created me just as I am, knowing I would create messes, HE pursues me…ordinary me, because HE plans to do extrodinary things with my life…..today I surrender to HIS purpose!!!

His Presence

The candles are lit and the aroma fills the room, I fall on my knees sharing my praise, hopes, fears, dreams, and needs with my Father. Desiring to hear from Him, there it is, quietness. Shhhhh, listen…. is that you Father? Lifting my eyes in wonder, His presence is so real I feel a sudden calm, a peace that is so powerful no words can explain. His heartbeat begins to beat within my chest, He is alive in me….me, just me, an ordinary woman with no college degree, no certificates on the wall, a woman that just happens to be His daughter.
The pounding in my chest gets stronger as I lift my hands in praise to Him as tears stream down my face. That moment has been one of many that my Father thumps on my heart. He is real, He is alive, and He lives in me.
The power in that moment of intimacy with my Father, no words can begin to describe. That moment is private, personal, and breathtaking. Overtaken by His presence, I close in complete awe of Him, blowing out the candles knowing that as time passes throughout the day the aroma will still fill the room reminding me that His presence is still with me.

Falling while being held

 

Morning time with my FATHER was intimate leaving all of myself at HIS feet, trusting HIM to guide my steps I began to prepare for the day.  It was beautiful outside, leaves already beginning to change in color.  Couldn’t help but giggle knowing that only GOD could create something so breathtaking.  We decided to have lunch at an old restaurant in downtown Greenville called The Northgate Soda Shop.   After a great lunch I wanted to take Sydnie and a friend into Mast General and load them up on all the fun candy. We decided to continue walking to Falls Park.  Down the steps we go just taking in all the beauty of the gorgeous day and I lose balance and take a bad fall causing my leg to burst open needing an ambulance and later getting 15 stitches.

Even though this was scary and I was crying and in pain and didn’t know if it may be broken, what I did know is that GOD had a purpose and a plan for me.  You see, walking with HIM I experienced  at that moment to not try and understand but to lean on HIM because HE directs my path.  Proverbs 3: 5-6

Through this experience GOD has shown me HIS love through family and friends with words of encouragement, dinners brought in, and prayers lifted for me.  Because of all this I am at peace knowing that my FATHER is in full control of whatever interruptions come into my life.  It is through the interruptions HE becomes more beautiful to me.  

So for you, the one reading this and your life has been interrupted…draw near to HIM so HE will draw near to you. James 4:8.  Let HIM in and direct your path.  

Today, I am standing up strong on both feet while my FATHER is continuing to hold me.

We were created to have peace

Can I just say…I am blown away at what GOD has spoken to my heart with.  Did you read the title of this blog?  We were created with peace, think on that a minute!  Has it sunk in yet?  Are you asking, what is she talking about? Well, let me just try to put this awesome reality into words.

As I am asking for my daily peace from my FATHER and pondering over the thought of peace, I began to think of how GOD created us.  Oh my, this gets good!  Think for just a moment on your own body and what is going on inside of you at this very moment.

The very inside of us is like a manufactory. Have you ever been inside of one? They are so loud you can’t hear yourself think.  We have so much going on inside of us and we don’t hear any of it.  Wouldn’t you call that peace.  Think about your heart beating, blood pumping through your veins to your heart.  Our digestive system, all of our organs, our lungs full of oxygen so we can breathe, our hair and fingernail growing, our brain full of memories and knowledge, eyes moving to see, and our bones bending and moving.  So much more that I can’t even begin to realize. Yet, we hear nothing.

Daily I have asked my FATHER for peace in my soul regarding my business which in this economy is difficult but, as HE revealed HIS peace given to me as HE created me I couldn’t help but fall on my knees to repent and praise HIM for HIS masterpiece inside of me.  I am humbled that HE love me so much that HE didn’t want me to hear all the wonderful things going on inside of me because if I did, I could never have peace.

If you are struggling today to find peace, get in a quiet place and just meditate on how HE created you with the very peace you are asking.

John 14:27  Peace I leave you, MY peace I give to you.  Not as the world gives do I give to you.  Let not your heart be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

John 16:33a  I have said these things to you, that in ME you may have peace.

 

 

 

Encouraging wife

If I may share with you what GOD so powerfully spoke to my heart today about. This morning as my routine of getting up, making a cup of coffee, picking up my SAVIORS words I sit on the sofa, I began to talk with GOD sharing my heart and my most intimate request. As I start praying for my husband Steve the flood gates of tears fall. The realization that I have failed him in some ways as a wife hit hard.
Yes, we have a great marriage, 3 of the most increbible children, 2 son-in-laws, and 2 grandbabies and one on the way that anyone could ever ask. But, as I continue to pray for the man (my soulmate) GOD had so graciously blessed me with, my heart was broken. I thought that I was everything a wife should be. It is not a good feeling when you realize you are not what you should be.
After pouring my heart and soul out to GOD for my husband I sat in the quietness of my home listening for GOD to help me understand with the realization that I don’t encourage my husband the way I should. I should be his biggest fan, his encourager, his cheerleader.
I get so caught up in the busyness of the day, my business, my children, my grandchildren, and others that I have forgotten he needs my encouragement. He’s the leader of our home, he is strong, he is in the word, he will be ok. But another thing I have realized is that we all need encouragement and so often I encourage others while I forget about the one that means more to me than anything.
So you better believe what I did. After I get to the store, I pick the phone up and call him….It went something like this; “Hey honey, I just wanted to call you and tell you how much I love you and I want you to know that I am your biggest fan and as I talked with GOD this morning HE wanted me to let you know that and I am sorry that I have not been the encourager to you like I should be, but know that GOD is with you and HE has you right there in the palm of HIS hand and HE hears your heart and all your desires so enjoy this beautiful day and know that I love you with my whole heart, you are my everything, and I am so proud of you” I thought I was gonna have to squeeze through the phone line just to pick him up. His words were “Wow, are you serious, man that makes me feel great. I love you so much and I know I am gonna have a great day now.”
I share this with you because so often we as wives and mothers get so busy with our lives that we forget our husbands need to be encouraged, they need to know we still are thinking they are the man. If we are not the ones encouraging our husbands, the devil would love to put someone in their path that will. So, today make that phone call, lift your man up with encouragement, tell him how handsome he is and that you are one lucky lady!
Proverbs 31:11-12 The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

Realizing GOD is more than just a ticket to salvation

Tonight I am just overwhelmed with how my FATHER has revealed HIMself to me in such a way that I wish I could shout it from the mountain top so everyone could understand who HE is. HE is more that just a prayer of salvation. I remember when I was 15 and the HOLY SPIRIT spoke to my heart and I realized that if I were to die I didn’t know JESUS and I would live eternity in hell.

For years I was satisfied with salvation in CHRIST and living to be the best christian I could be by going to church 3 times a week, (although I believe in faithfulness) and remembering all the don’ts I am not suppose to do, and just being the best church goer ever. All along, the greatest gift other than salvation I was given was a realtionship with JESUS CHRIST. I had the salvation, I prayed the prayer, lived each day my best to be what I understood to be.

Do we pray a prayer and ask JESUS into our hearts, get our ticket to heaven and just go through life just ok, or do we pray a prayer and ask JESUS into our hearts and began to serve HIM daily surrendering our lives to HIS work and experiencing all of HIS greatness. I don’t know about you but the daily journey is our stepping stones to eternity and my stepping stones I want to be building HIS kingdom. When we truly understand that CHRIST is more than just salvation our journey begans.

We no longer are focused on the don’ts…don’t cuss, don’t drink, don’t miss a service, don’t wear pants, and don’t for the life of you go to another church. But, now for me it is all about the do’s….I do want to serve, I do want to pour my life into young women, I do want to share CHRIST with everyone, I do want to help the needy, I do want to love the way CHRIST loves, I do want to trust HIM with my every need, I do want to be a GODly mother, wife, daughter, friend, member, and teacher.

I call this revival, revival of my heart in CHRIST.

Just completely full of HIS grace and mercy as I write this because after so many years of living as a christian and faithfully going to church and missing out on all of GOD, I get who HE is… HE is so much more than we could ever imagine and I am getting all I can of HIM and my life has changed so much, my home has changed, my realtionships have changed, my marriage has changed and my heart has changed. I am full of a peace that I can’t explain and a joy that I want to shout from that mountain top.

GOD bless!

In a rut

Have you ever been there, in that place that you find yourself trying to get out and can’t seem to pull yourself up?  I’m not sure depression is what I would call it or self pity.  I guess in some way they hug each other.

After closing my jewelry store (family business for 13 years) that is exactly where I was….in a rut.  My whole identity of what others saw me as was gone.  I was Cynthia, the owner of a business which had lots of glitz and glamour.   I had no idea what I was going to do from that moment on.  I know what you’re thinking, “doesn’t she know her identity is in Christ”, and yes I knew that and still do.  But, my identity  of what others knew me to be.  I felt others saw me as a failure.

Little did I know God was shifting my direction for His purpose, not mine.  You see, I surrendered my life a long time ago to Him, His purpose, His plan.  But…..during the time of unknown, I decided to just go with whatever God put before me.  The day came, she called (my beautiful God fearing red headed sister).  She said, “Sis, why don’t you come help the ladies at the flower shop a couple days a week”.  My first thought, flower shop?

For the first year of just existing and feeling a complete failure, I traveled those roads back and forth a few days a week to the flower shop just feeling lost. I didn’t know who I was anymore.   Being in a rut was an understatement…. I was offered a job back in the jewelry business but my heart wasn’t in it.  There was a lot of changes made in the flower shop that was my sisters and she needed me to be there.  I had no idea that God was gifting me for this place, I had no idea that He was fulfilling desires in my heart that were not even revealed to me until it happened.

You see, the rut I was in…It wasn’t a rut but a work in progress.  Sometimes it is the ruts of our lives that God does the most beautiful things with our lives.  He is working on us to mold and shape us into His image, to be used for His glory.  Today, I am honored to use my hands to make the most beautiful flower arrangements with His creation.  Not only with flowers but to take an old piece of furniture and make it into something beautiful.  All of what is happening in my life is not my doing, but my Fathers.

This life for me isn’t about making a fortune, it’s simply about living for Christ, sharing His love with others, and using the gifts God has for me.

I haven’t written a blog in a very long time because I allowed what I thought was a rut to consume my mind instead of finding peace and contentment in the unknown.

In you are there….in your rut, Maybe just maybe God is working something our in your life that is for your good and His glory.

Philippians 4:11  Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.

 

 

Desiring more

Sitting here alone in the quietness of my evening, my mind is consumed with love for Jesus.
I recently read in scripture, Matthew 22:37 where Jesus was ask the question, “which is the great commandment?” and He answered and said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all you soul and with all your mind.” Then it hit me…if all He is asking of me is to love Him in all my ability, he isn’t asking for much. So I sit here thinking, what if I prayed and ask Him to help me love Him in all the Spirit’s (which lives in me) heart, soul, and mind.
I want to love Him beyond what I am capable of loving. Even with the amount of love I have in my heart, soul, and mind for Him, I crave more. The deeper I get into a relationship with Him, I desire more.
It’s like when I first fell in love with Steve, the excitement, the anticipation of seeing Him, and the constant longing to be with Him. Which, by the way I am still madly in love with.
Jesus has become my first love. I am His bride and it wont be long before He will come for me. So I wait…desiring to love Him beyond my ability to love.

HE is to me….

Searching for the words this morning as I search my heart in what GOD would have me blog.  Sitting here in complete humbleness before my FATHER is overwhelming.  Trusting HIM to be my fingers as I type HIS words and not mine. 

I feel led to just share with you who HE is to me.  Some may think or say that I am a JESUS nut.  And, I would proudly say to that, yes I am!!!  When HE began to transform me into HIS imagine, HE filled me with love for HIM and others that is beyond what I could do on my own.  I became completely dependent on HIM for everything.  I began to crave more time with HIM. You see, once you get a small portion of HIM, you can’t help but want more. And, before I knew it HE became my life.

I wake up with a hunger for HIM,HIS word, and HIS time.  My prayer daily is that I completely die of myself so HE lives in me and through me.  I want to see others with HIS eyes, hear them with HIS ears, help the hurting and broken as HE would, and walk (among sinners) as HE would.

For many years, I expected the man of GOD to fill my need to live for CHRIST on Sunday, Sunday night, and Wednesday.  But, during that time I was complacent in my walk.  But, when CHRIST came to me during the most difficult time of my life and said, “Draw nigh unto me and I will draw nigh unto you”,  that was the beginning of my transformation!  Still to this day, have not gotten over that moment!  So, I began to get into HIS word on my own, praying for wisdom to understand and spending more time on my knees just talking with HIM, and that is where I began to change in my ways. Don’t get me wrong, very thankful for the men of GOD that stand before us the preach the word of GOD!  They are my leader, teacher, and encourager but, will never be what CHRIST is to.  HE is my FATHER, my COMFORTER, my REDEEMER, my JOY, my PEACE, my HOPE, my HEALER, and my SAVIOR. 

 

 

 

Capturing the Heart of GOD

As I sat watching a beautiful bride dressed in pure beauty come down the aisle at a wedding this past week, I turned to take a glance at the groom.  As he is looking at her his clenched jaw relaxes, his fist opens, and he forgets about the fact he is sweating and he has a tux on. He forgets about trying to have a smile on his face and whispers “You look so beautiful”.  It is written all over his face, I can not bear to live my life without this bride.

See, this is the same feeling of JESUS.  If we look long enough into the SAVIORS eyes, we will see a bride.  Dressed in fine linen, clothed in pure grace….She is the bride….walking toward HIM….desiring more of HIM….

And who is this bride that JESUS so longs for?…..You are!!!!  You have capture the heart of GOD!!!

GOD cannot bear to live without you!

Isaiah 62:5 As a man rejoices over his new wife, so your GOD will rejoice over you.

ABOVE RUBIES

 

Today as I sit here, I am thinking of my life and the legacy that I will leave my children.   Raising 3 beautiful daughters has been my purpose here on this earth.  I have not always done right by them but, GOD has given them to me as a gift but has expected me to raise them up to love HIM.  Not only to love HIM… but, to serve HIM.

I don’t expect my children to be perfect,  I just prayed for them to make right choices.  We live in a world full of sin, hurt, and suffering.  But, we also live in a world full of love, joy, and hope …knowing that no matter what choices we make, good or bad, that our GOD loves us anyway.  It is called unconditional love.  Because of this unconditional love (given by GOD) I love without limitations.  I…

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